Are you one of that who is being dumped or who feels that it may be time to break up because the “Spark” just isn’t there like it used to be?
What happened? Where did the Spark go that he/she used to feel for and with me, or why don’t I feel it anymore? Is it a sign that it wasn’t really real Love like when we first met? Do we feel like there’s just something that is missing that cannot be found? Will he/she ever find a “Lasting” Love where the “Spark” doesn’t fade or die? Why do we feel like we are dying inside now that we have been dumped and can’t go on without this person or recover?
Medical Science has Interesting Evidence that Love is a Drug…
Medical Science has performed numerous brain imagine experiments on people’s brains during times when they were feeling deeply in love with that certain euphoric feeling of intense pleasure and happiness, and also on brains of people who were still together in a love relationship long after the highly romantic early stages, and also on brains of those who were experiencing deep depression and pain due to being dumped.
Is that old saying, or maybe it was a song title too, “Love is a Drug,” really true? Medical Science says it is! There is even a scientific hypothesis that, “Romantic loves is a specific form of addiction.” The big connection between this widely known connection between Love and Pleasurable Addiction has everything to do with some key brain chemicals: Dopamine & Norepinephrine (the feel good, pleasure promoting brain chemicals) can also cause: the exhilaration, single-mindedness, and even sleeplessness experienced in the new phases of romantic love, and resulting decreased levels of Serotonin can send our mind racing toward obsession. Elevated Dopamine levels in the brain cause the same sensations as caused by certain drugs (cocaine, nicotine, marijuana, opiates, PCP, and etc…) such as “focused attention, fierce energy, concentrated motivation to attain a reward, and feelings of elation and mania,” and also the Drug called Love! Yes, new Romantic Love triggers high release of Dopamine and other brain chemicals in the brain, and the effects are often described as similar to a Cocaine high and they are felt so too.
Can we keep the Romantic, Euphoric “High” or Spark forever; is it even possible?
Neither natural or synthetic Chemical highs last forever, but like common drug addiction, a kind of natural tolerance develops, and the epidemic of short-lived romantic passionate love affairs today that many times end after a year or two, are associated with the natural levelling out of brain chemicals. When the intoxicating chemicals begin level out, this is often spelling the end of the delirious passions, which are being understood so greatly today as a loss of Love. There are 2 general responses that can occur as a result of these neuro-chemical changes:
1. Some people continue to move from relationship to relationship after the initial
euphoric high levels out and there are terms being used today such as, “attraction
junkies,” and “infatuation addicts,” to describe those who continue a pattern of
running after the hits the romantic high, or…
2. Some go on into the next mature level or kind of Compassionate Love.
From Early Romantic Love to Mature Compassionate Love
A very notable difference between these 2 kinds of Love can be described by how the newer passionate romantic love is more about how the other person makes you feel, and the longer enduring Mature Love transforms into loving the other person as he or she is. There are different chemicals noted that have effects as far as supporting this second phase of love and one such type are called Endorphins. Endorphins: In comparison to the new romantic highs that chemicals like Dopamine provide, Endorphins are a natural opiate type hormone that our body produces itself that contributes to:
Compassionate type love bonding, even such as like friend to friend, mother or
father to child, or kin spirit to kin spirit, so to speak. It influences the kind of
bonding that has to do with maturing trust, respect, and growth, in mature love. It
has even been termed, “endorphin bonding,” and typifies the soft and smooth
cooperation of two soul mates enfolding and absorbing together the hard things
and challenges of life in a buffering type relationship. It can be described as two
individual people coming together and growing into each other without being
suffocating or parasitic.
The suffering of Anguish of Romantic Rejection
To be dumped or rejected by someone we love and have developed a romantic bond with has been compared to the experience of suffering withdrawals from Cocaine, including all the driving cravings that come with it. Brain imagines studies have revealed that those who are still in love with their “rejecters,” are exhibiting goal-oriented motivation rather than a specific emotion,” (Science Daily, 2010). This would speak of all the strategies we feel driven toward to get the object of our love back or maybe the high we felt with them. If these cravings of withdrawal extend beyond average or normal boundaries, which can happen sometimes when feelings are extremely painful and we lose any control over them and/or our behaviours, people are driven to stalking sometimes or again various levels of depression and sometimes suicide.
Recovery from being dumped & finding Help
Research has shown evidence that Time heals all wounds; brain studies also show an area in the brain related to “attachment” that showed less activity after a level of time since the breakup. It’s not an easy process and can be extremely or even dangerously hard for some people. The emotional dilemma and pain of a broken love-relationship is publicly recognized and there is a variety of sources of help, both in the community and even online. It’s always a good idea to talk to somebody! You can talk to me…
There is a need today not only to understand the difference between new and euphoric Romantic Love and Mature Love, but also the differences between healthy love relationships and unhealthy ones which can proceed out of some psychological disorders or flavours such as: Dependent Personality or even Sex Addiction, which is also a common occurrence today.
There is an identified trend today toward not making it or not understanding the changing nature of Romantic Love into Mature Love, so that there are healthy Relationships that are ending because some or many are interpreting the decline in the initial Romantic “Spark” or “High” as a decline in Love. I think there is a big Need today for us to learn and understand more about what Mature Love is and how it grows and becomes the kind of enduring long term Love that so many need and want to be able to build a life around that will lead to long term fulfilment and true happiness in life. We can do it, just require understanding and patience. Long live love!!!
Adopted from my friend on Relationship Talk (Kimberley)