What are the differences in how men and women communicate in their relationship is not as easy as it appears on the surface. From the beginning of time men and woman have been scratching their heads about this, “I really cannot understand him/her, no matter how hard I try”. Too many times, I would see my mother sad as a result of not being able to get through her opinion and feelings to my father, and the reason I believe we should pay special attention to this, is my dad is a very wonderful and sensitive man, but try as he may he would scratch his head too, trying to understand why my mother was the way she is.
Today I am taking the time to explore the differences between men and women just to see if we can bridge the gap and we can communicate with each other and knowing for sure that our partner is getting us and visa versa, not leaving the conversation more confused than when we started it.
Your woman is complaining about the garbage all day, that you need to take it out, you wait for a few minutes and then you do, she is upset that you never took it out on time, what? You are at a loss about how to please her, try as you may! Men get a rap as always trying to fix things. It can be really stressful, so we are taking the time in learn how to overcome the communication barrier in your relationship.
Women tend to resist the kind of behaviour, they prefer instead to talk about problems rather than find a solution, this however is just about masculine and feminine energy. When you understand between each other the dynamics of the male and female energy and can accept those differences, then half the battle is won.
Masculine communication is about making a point. It’s about finding conclusion. This stems from the core masculine desire for completion in life. The masculine part of each of us has a mission or a purpose in life, it strives to fulfill that purpose and relax into the freedom that comes from giving 100% of himself to that cause.
Men grow through challenge, he wants to slay a dragon, he wants to reach the end of a long journey and then reach the top of the mountain. Men live their lives driven to fulfill their purpose and that same energetic quality expresses itself in tiny day-to-day interactions.
Men want to fix the problem or reach a decision, they often doesn’t speak or share their thoughts until after they have had the time to think through them and reach their conclusion. That is why men are not notorious not as open about their emotions as their female counterparts. Oftentimes, they just need to process what they are thinking and feeling and draw their own conclusions before they share.
Female communication, on the other hand, for the women it is not about so much about the outcome as it is about the process and the relationship made along the way. This comes from the feminine’s core desire to connect. Women long to be loved, connected and appreciated. She strives to express that love and to give it back to the world. She grows through praise, she wants to feel valued, to be heard, seen and appreciated.
On the conversation level this expresses itself as more talking to express herself and to build connections with others.
Overcoming communication barriers is having an understanding of who you are communicating with and their dynamics, not so much to push your thoughts on the persons. She wants to feel that bond of love, knowing that she is around others who ‘get’ her and understand her.
Overcoming the Challenges
Of course this inherent difference causes a lot of challenges as the masculine and feminine interact with one another. Another common frustration is when women complain to the guy in their lives. The women is just communicating how she feels, this is a way of bonding with the man, but to him this is just adding more to his to-do list, criticizing his ability to get things done in the world.
When a man feels this way the natural instinct is to try to solve the problem. He wants to cross that thing off the to-do list so that peace and harmony will return. The woman will see this as the man judging her, telling her what to do. In effect, he is telling her that she isn’t okay the way she is and that she needs to do WHATEVER.
It is really stopping to check in with the person across from you. To drop in and really “get’ that they are a full and complete person having their own emotional experience. When you do this you are able to drop the assumptions and communicate so much better. Each individual is different, but you need to start by believing that it is not impossible and may take time, but can be done. My father would say, “It is impossible to understand your mother”, she would be talking and he would appear to be listening and if asked what she just said, would not hear a thing. He is a good man, but for most of his life made a poor partner when it was about listening to his partner.
Here are the tips:
1. Instead of trying to solve the problems, you can ask her more conversational questions, like “how did that make you feel? or what was that like? You are encouraging her to share rather than inadvertently hurting her by trying to “solve” her.
2. Instead of starting by describing the frustration events of your day, open the conversation with a statement like, “Hey, I don’t expect you to do anything, but I could really use someone to listen to me right now.” Clearly this is for the women, because this gives the masculine part in him the understanding that you’re not asking him to do anything extra or adding more to his to-do list.
Try these simple strategies and you would not believe the difference it is going to make, remember the male and female energies are certainly not the same, but these simple strategies can make your relationship a beautiful one.